Today must be like the worst day ever... It reminds me of the days in my first year of polylife, where my group of 5 bubblies were reduce to 4, in an extremely awkward process. I thought we were young, I'd never expect the same thing to happen again.
This afternoon, to add on to all the stress and such, a friend decided to initiate"gunfire war" against me. How untimely. Baby says it was an unavoidable situation, and I was just the most convenient and easiest target board to hit, like always. As though everything was meant to linked up, one thing lead to another to a catastrophic mess. My emotional threshold level hiked to such extreme heights, I thought I would just snap.
The whole firing game seems more like an one-sided affair... I tried my best to suppress my anger and not put myself on par with her emotional level. I pretended whatever she said was part of her usual tactnessless that as a friend, I should and must easily ignore. But it seems like the more polite my responses were, the worse they agitated her. Maybe sometimes, when someone is in a fiery outburst, she is just looking for an equivalent response. And perhaps I just didn't managed to fulfill that response. The more I wanted to hide, the more she pulled her trigger.
After a series of attack, when I naively thought everything was finally in peace, another round of bombing started for more bizarre absurdness. I was so weary of keeping my emotions under wraps, that it came to a point that I eventually couldn't remember what I was angry about. All I wanted to do was let the bomb hit me and be done with it.
A friend is nonetheless a friend, whatever shot out of her mobile, though makes little or no sense to me, just the tone of it can hurt one pretty badly. I am very sadden by the whole episode. It still amazes me how at the end of the day, accusations so different from the actual fact, can be "broadcasted". Simply what have I done to deserve all these from a friend? And what kind of friend thinks I deserve these?
If you can understand what a person wants, then strategies can be drawn to pacify her. But every incoming message just led me to further and further confusion. Communication could have been done more effectively, minus all the unpleasing adjectives. But I guess for most people, it is always difficult to not to voice out unnecessary emotions, which in fact does nothing but flood and hide the true intentions of a statement made. Was that really necessary?
Above all, I feel really sorry for the other less innocent friends who were in one way or another pulled into the warfare too --- to sweep up the piece of "debris" left lying behind. What has it got to do with them? They have already put in their best efforts, and so did I, with our limited intelligence and with no luxury of additional aid, to come up with that piece of "debris". Yes, so it may have ended up looking an unworthy piece of debris to her, when she finally manages to compare it to more a superior piece of work... But it lies the fact that the rest of us had initiated and contributed our share of hardwork with our then-lacking-resources in both "hardware" and "software". There was really no need to discredit anyone so harshly.
Right now, I'm still troubled over what I should do, or how I should pretend like nothing has happen the next time I sees her. I wonder how is she taking the madness of this chaotic day. Letting nothing affect the overall friendships is my primary concern. But frankly, nothing will be the same anymore to me after this. Politeness will be about the only thing I can offer her in the meantime.
