Its difficult already to take my glance off my guy for even one second. Hours simply seems to just glide pass smiling at silly at each other. So tell me how impossible it is to resist the urge to plant a juicy kiss on his cheek or even play catch with his fingers? Worse still, if we are seated side by side.
As if that wasn't stressful enough, in addition to the constant reminder to have some self discipline, there's a even bigger price to pay.
People are usually very curious animals that are seems to grow more than a mouth sometimes. Its only time before speculation becomes gossips and rumours. Should you brave through it or shun away? It doesn't matter, because its not like they can be stopped. Suddenly, its not so nice to be in love anymore.
No wonder office-romance almost always, naturally ends with one leaving the company.
I am not in an office romance, not even anywhere near one. But it gives me headache just to think about it.
*Salutes to anyone who survived through it!
10:31 AM
Sunday, February 25, 2007
MoVe OuT!
I'm dying to move out on my own!! I've always been the kind of person who enjoys loads of freedom and simply love the quietness of being by myself. Flying had given me a taste of it, and now studying had taken all of that away. *FROWNS*. I didn't feel so deprived until recently, the "encouragement" of the Dowager at home sets to multiply the urge to have my own nest is like ten-folds by the minute!
Been paying too much attention on HDB movements and wasting way too much precious time online doing "reasearch" on the local housing properties, when I really should be giving that attention to my Maths Quiz tomorrow. Sigh. I realise that the HDB policies doesn't really love young single freedom-seekers like me. BooHoo...!
Of course private apartments are always available and plentiful. But then again, the prices are not exactly friendly to me. It might just cost me an arm and a leg to buy a toilet... I don't exactly fancy the idea of living in a toilet, much more not if without half my limbs. Bleh... Now if Heavens would grant me a handsome rich man's son now, I guess I wouldn't mind marrying him, on condition of getting my own apartment. How nice! How difficult can endorsing my little signature in exchange for the freedom I can die for be? Fantastic Deal.
Nah... Just kidding... I wouldn't really do that. I remotely remembers someone saying True Love prevails... Or not?
I guess for now it would be easier to wish that my sis get married off soon (I hope my "Bro-in-Law" is reading this. Haha), and my noble dad decides to ship the Dowager back to HongKong for immediate retirement together. It will be really nice too if they leave me the flat. But frankly, it doesn't really matter if I have to be hurdled out of the flat on their departure from S'pore. I must be like damn lucky already if the above really did happen (since its like mission-impossible to pack the Dowager's nagging into SQ2), with that I'm sure the one-in-a-billion chance of striking lottery for my dream house wouldn't be far.
Practical? Dead not.... Sigh. Argh. When can I move out????
I've been having some problems with my new posts. Any new entry that I try to post will only appear on my blog exactly 12 hours later. I reckon it might be 11pm by the time this entry is up for view. I wonder is it just my lappie or is it Blogger? Leave me a message if anyone sees this earlier than 11pm, ok? Haha. Thanks.
Maybe I'm just bias... But I'm finding the New Blogger a little screwed up. Just a mild opinion when I compare it to the former version. -_-lll
Assuming it is just my lappie's problem, I've been trying my best to solve this by clearing my cache and everything else that I can think of. That's like major effort already, to a computer nut like me. But nothing's working. Really frustrating but I guess I just have to submit myself to it. Bleh...
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Today I'm just by myself at home. Have not been this awake at home at this time of the day for quite a while already. Dad is back for the CNY, so mom has been clinging to him, and making him bring her places and such. And sis got to work as well. So for once, I've finally got no nagging, no loud television, no human Loudspeakers, and no itchy fingers shifting my stuff and manipulating the switches. It doesn't really matter that I've got no breakfast, and no lunch either!
The morning sun seems lovely. The weather's cooling. How nice...! World peace in this cozy little home.
Even better still, if I have a nice little white couch by the balcony window to lie on now. I would love to play some soothing music, maybe read a book (anything not from school) and watch the afternoon goes by, while sipping my favourite Green Tea Frappucino...
But all I see now are 3 bicycles, a tall shoe cabinet and couple of shoes carelessly kicked around in the balcony. Damn.... Bubble popped. Bleh... I guess I just have to make do with the comfort of my little room for the time being. Now, this is why I am so hoping to get my own apartment. Sob, how many more years do I have to wait? Getting married is not an option (on the pretext that even if there's anyone whom might want me) if I want to live alone. Unless I am so rich that I can afford my own condo, I guess I'd just have to wait till I'm 35. Sigh...
Ok, I got to go and enjoy my peace, and grow fat by my pineapple tarts and Bak Gwa, before the Loudspeakers gets back from their Dim Sum session!
P/S: Damn, here comes the noisy and smelly rubbish truck.
HapPy cHiNeSe nEw yEaR!!! ....... pLuS MoRe GruMbLinG fRom mE. HeHe.
The weather is getting HOTTER...
GRRRRR......! My temper is getting shorter :O(
The weather for these couple of days has been swaying ridiculously between sunny and rainy. The humidity from the evaporation of the water off wet grounds, by the glaring sun after the equally warm rain, is almost killing... Hot and irritably sticky Sticky STICKY... Grrrr. Heavens just can't decide on its moods, it seems. And there goes mine swinging as unpredictably too. I can't stand HEAT!!!! That is what I miss about flying... Hopping off to cooler and dryer climates when the heat here gets unbearable...
Oh... I should stop grumbling... Its CNY. I've forgotten my important well-wishes that was supposed to be in the first paragraph... Gee...
$$$$ 恭喜发财 $$$$
For those still eligible for collecting $$$ >> Hope you'll get loads of Ang-Baos!! For those only eligible for distributing $$$ >> Giving is a kind of Blessing lah... Hahaha!!!
Oh, and MANY THANKS to all friends who SMS-ed me all those cute and nice messages!!
Anyway, how was your CNY celebration? Mine was so-so... Well, as usual, since we do not have much relatives here, not to mention that worthy ones are even more rare. Me and my sis gave up on a couple of those super-irritating hypocrites 10-odd years back. So we stop going on our rounds on CNY. Yah, disrespectful huh... But wasting our precious time on cheapskate assholes that fart through their mouths? K I S S M Y F O O T. I'd rather have cobwebs spinned on my head and grow retarded from boredom at home.
Opps, did I just start another round of ranting again? Well, see... I said my temper is getting BAD. Growing OLD and GROUCHY... Bleh...
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I seriously need a hair cut. My "crown-of-glory" is overflowing... Too long for my liking. I would visit a hairdresser after the CNY. Wondering if I should colour my tresses too? What do you think?
I have been in this black, fringe-to-a-side long hair for more than 3 years already. Am getting so bored. Getting very very sick of seeing my reflections on the MRT these days. I am no longer working, no longer needing to style stupid black chigons, so why am I still dressing my head this way? I want a change!!!
But there comes the BIGGER headache!!!
- What colours? - What length? - Should I dye or highlight? - Should I do a perm as well? Digital, Ceramic or Japanese Perm? - What if I paid money for irreversible damages? - What if it all turns out yuckier than I already look? - What if it maintenance gets too difficult and troublesome? - What if ..... - WHAT IF I REGRET????!!!!
Ahhhh.....! So frustrating! What should I do? What should I do? Suggestions, please please please...........!
7:57 AM
Thursday, February 15, 2007
nO pRoBinG...
There's hardly anything to blog about nowsaday. Or rather, I guess there's hardly anything I am comfortable about blogging nowsaday. Ok, I know I am done lamenting about this in the previous entrieSSSSS.
I was always quite open about majority of my daily life. But recently my tolerance for so-called privacy-sharing seems to be facing major a overhaul. Suddenly I do NOT want the whole world to know what I am thinking or doing. I can no longer hold a proper conversation with anyone who conspires to hear a piece of my personal life. I even find it very difficult to talk about my daily happenings. I was even considering to abandon this blog, since I can no longer bare my soul in it. Whatever happened to me?!!
Now, I am not even comfortable about people asking me seemingly minor stuff like where did I go, with who and for what. There's really no point in asking me the nitty gritty things of today, yesterday and tomorrow. Why do you want to know? I don't ask what did you have for lunch, with who and when, or post questions like what makes up your family and its history, or worse, interrogate you on your relationships and your dates --- For that similar basis, you really do not need to know mine. It simply sums up to mutual respect for each other's privacy, so please respect mine. Now which part of that was difficult to understand?
For reasons currently unknown to me, I really do get very very irritated when mere acquaintances try to probe too much into my issues now. I guess if I'm comfortable about sharing, I will. I will talk about it somehow when I am ready, which clearly means NOT NOW. I really hate it if I have to uncontrollably frown at you, because I am torn between the unwillingness to disclose my issues and the equal unwillingness to be rude by not answering you. Ironic to my recent depleted level of patience, I am not a usually rude person, so in the end I always feel I am being forced to contribute far more than I really take pleasure in. Total resentments!!
I am aware that this is not a good sign. It seems like I am not really being very reasonable here. Either time have totally twisted my perceptions or I am fast becoming an unfriendly person. "Either" is not a good word here too. As in this case, its extremely frustrating in itself not to understand myself anymore. I am withholding alot of anger within me over this and I can see it accumulating. Getting really short-tempered. ARGH.
I really hope this is just a passing phrase in my quarter-century years. Dear friends, apologies if I had been rude to you lately -- like I just did when I "SORT OF" told a couple off in my class, though they were the ones being irritating if I have to give you my honest opinions (it really doesn't matter if I might already be bias over previous issues) So, if you are not like well-loved by me (which obviously my friends are), seriously, don't step on me now, or be prepared to hear me snap, bite and ROAR.
6:01 AM
Monday, February 12, 2007
NoRmaL RaNtinG...
Finally had a little chat with my Angels!! Although it was only a MSN chat, but it was really nice :o) We are already planning for outings, GIRLS only. Oh my, those were the days... 3 silly little babes setting foot into "military-alike" harshness. They really do bring back all those scary but heart-warming memories. I am so missing u girls!!! Nostalgic...
Hmm, Valentine's Day is coming in 2 days... Have you made any plans already? I was talking to a friend today, and he commented that he wouldn't mind taking leave from work on a day like this just to prepare something special for his girl. What first came to my mind was how badly taking leave for Valentine's Day would affect a guy's image at work. Yet even a usually-rational girl like me was smitten. Just admitting what you may do for love is already a very sweet guesture. I wonder how many guys would think the same way too? Maybe I'm just too bias of our local breed, but I would be pleasantly surprised if the numbers comes up to be anything near 30%.
I always view Valentine's Day as just another commercial day. Any other day can be Valentine's Day when a couple are really in love with each other. Yet deep down, I can't help not feeling a little excited... Even though it is really going to be like just another day for me. I wonder why am I feeling this way. I often made resentful fusses about how the prices of common bouquets of roses can rocket sky-high on such a day, or how even on normal days, sending flowers are just impractical waste of money. But still, once in my lifetime, I'd love to have the florist calling my name at the office too. Hehe. Girls, just hear them talk.
I guess for all singles it must be really really sweet just to have someone with you on this day. A bonus, if you are attached. But irregardless, just spending the day with a couple of friends must be really nice too, just to keep some warmth by my side. The wonderful news is, I certainly would have alot of people by my side on both Valentine's Day and its eve... For the super-splendid reason that it is a lecture day and an extra-lesson day added on. !@#$% Fortunate? Ya. Sorta Nice, if you say so.
I'm praying hard that nobody gets dump on Valentine's Day. Haha, this may sounds kind of unlucky already. But you know how often we heard stories of lovers' misfortunes on days like these. Its really sad to hear but I guess it happens, Seriously, of all days to cry for love, it really should not be this day. Not when the rest of the world is rejoicing about their affections. Its like a double-heartbreak, adding salt to a fresh wound. SOB, please don't dump me on Valentine's day.
I'm wishing that everyone would have a reason to be really happy about on Valentine's Day.
2:32 AM
Sunday, February 11, 2007
aWaKe...
I meant to sleep the whole weekend away. But somehow I got woken up, and I just don't feel like poping another sleeping pill... So here I am, snacking, blogging and wasting my time surfing the internet for nothing interesting. Still, a weekend just by myself is almost like world peace already.
Well, apart from not studying when I should, I guess I didn't totally slack my time away. At least I did clear out a drawer's space from my cabinet for my dresses. Realise I do have quite a lot of clothes. I still have at least 5 new dresses, a couple more new tops. Yet it seems to me that I am always lacking the appropriate wear for any occasion.
Maybe I need more creativity in pairing my outfits, reinventing my old clothes, instead of buying more and more new clothes. But what's more urgent now is to trim of the layers of fats wrapping my unfortunate body. It doesn't help that my dad is trying his best to tempt me into having supper with hime now. With these extra baggages, even the nicest clothes will look horrible on me.
I wish I can just go for liposuction, or for a cheaper alternative, take a pair of sissor and cut off the extras on my thighs, butt, upper arms and waist. Losing wieght at the right spots is so difficult. I am seriously considering to go Marine France Bodyline for that squeeze in between the cars fat-free body frame... What's stopping me is really the thought of those killer-bills that comes with it. Maybe I can consider falling into the traps of slimming pills again, which I am well aware that it won't work on me.
What's left, are only the traditional ways of stop snacking, cut down my food intake and exercise. I don't understand how can something that seems so simple be so difficult. Snacking may be a real issue, I think. But I got to say I really hate eating rice, starch, breakfast, proper full meals and such... So I guess they sort of balance out... Yet recently I find myself eating more and more of those stuff. Is it little wonder why I am gaining back the weight I've just recently lost?
Goal for 2007? Lose weight and maintain it.
P/S: Before anyone starts nagging, I have my reasons for not taking full meals.
3:23 AM
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Hibernating...
I am hibernating for the weekend. In fact，as I am typing this, I can feel the doctor's prescription making my mind sluggish already.
I really do need sleep desperately. So I will knock myself out for the weekend, while I still have the time to do so. Haha, hopefully I may even lose a couple of kilograms in midst of it. I seriously need to shed away my stubborn fats... Just 5lb will be lovely. But 5lb in a weekend is tall order, right? Sigh. Bleh...
Mass Apologies in advance if u can't reach me. Do drop a SMS, hopefully I will wake up by Monday and get back to you.
GoddNight, World... Sleep Tight.
1:50 AM
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
FLU StRiKEs!
I am sick... Down with flu, fever, having a sore-throat and all the usual stuff... Bleh. But very strangely, my appetite remains surprisingly the same... In fact, it my stomach seems to be working even better. So is my palette. Damn.
In the initial stages of my dreadful flu, I got to say I was rather pleased about falling sick. I havn't been so sick in a few months already. Not ever since I waved my last goodbye to that B747 aircraft and its infamous idiotic "driver", who had issues with everyone's command of the English language. He made sure that he corrects you and you agree with it. Ironically, he doesn't even sound ten miles close to a fake amoh.
Pardon me on this... Though I may have just scored a low B3 in English during my "O" levels and never attempted GP before, but I could easily tell that he has serious problems in his use of the language grammatically. Which wasn't all so bad, well... if it was not that it was also heavily accented in Tamil too. But well, he was afterall the "driver". We were not about to risk our lives disagreeing about the flaws in the way he speaks, and at the same time provoking what already seems like an obviously flawed personality too. Nodding heads at an idiot isn't so hard, especially when everyone agrees that he is one.
Opps, sorry for the side-track. Haha. Memories of a last flight are so important, yet it was tainted by an asshole "driver". I am so not getting over it.
Anyway, I guess saved from an irregular lifestyle, I became a much much healthier person after I left SQ. Of course, I've got to give credits to the regular dosage of Vitamin C drinks that Kelly-san had got for me from Franfurt! Falling sick grew so unfamiliar gradually.
New is always nice. FINALLY falling uncontrollably ill did seem interesting at the early hours of my sleepless Monday morning. But "interesting" did not last long enough to stop me from whining about the poor fate of my conjested respiratory system. Now I remember that falling sick is NOT funny at all. *Shakes Heads*
My whole head feels very pressurized from the bulk of fluids in it now. I am so tempted to poke a tube up my swollen nose and see if the mucus does flow out. The pressure in my head is giving me a very hard time trying to concentrate or even write properly. I can't decide which is worse, my sleeping problems or the flu. Coupling both, it feels like my body is just joining all forces to hold a strike against me now. I am so, so NOT enjoying this. Yucks. I wish I'd just become miraculously healed tomorrow. Please let me feel better tomorrow ok?
Nevertheless, these two days had been really nice in a sweet way. I realise that it is always the simplest things in life that touches my heart most. All it takes are a few thoughtful gestures to brighten up my day :o) Like cutting up my food so I need not struggle with it, or just getting a burger for me when I have not eaten. It doesn't take a gentleman to do all those. Throw in some initiativeness and thoughtfulness, plant a smile on my face, and I'm a goner. Common gestures you may say, but I am like super HAPPY already!!
1:52 AM
Monday, February 05, 2007
GrOwinG uP
Time has changed and people do change. Regardless how many times I indulged myself in the fond memories of the past, I have to admit that I have changed too. But try as I might, I just cannot figure out is what I am now the real me, or is this just one of the many temporary roles of time that I have evolved into?
I always thought I would remain the kid I was. Perhaps until now, I am still the little girl that many people still think I am. Maybe I have not actually changed that much. I always think what a horror it would be if I grown out of that silly little girl that most people have comfortably knew and accepted? What else would I be then? I could not imagine. But unevitably, looking at the younger ones around me, there comes a realization that I seemed to have grown up... It is an avoidable process. I really can't help but moan about the brutality of aging.
Maybe I am not all mature and everything else. There are still many blanks in about my life that I am unsure about. I could still be lacking intellectually. Maybe I am still deficient of the kind of "know-what-know-how" mentality fit for my age. But undoubtedly, I do think alot more than I used to. Many concepts have changed with time, and though an unchanged extremely dense dreamer, I do conjure less silly blunders than before.
Viewing things differently kind of scares me now. Planning too much because of that is another brain-killing chore. I would loved to think that most issues are as simple as I used to assume they were. I would loved being contentedly naive. I hate it now that I have to dissect and anaylze every situation like an adult. I absolutely hate guessing for motives.
For example, I used to complain alot about being taken for granted by friends and such. I totally hate how some people will turn to me only when they needed free labor, and then disappear for the remaining 364 days. I cannot deny that in many such situations, I opened the doors with my own hands and let the damn wolf in. People only do that because they know this dummy would help.
Age has allowed me to speculate things pretty differently now and hence, hopefully react to them more sensibly. Or so I thought... I do "try" my best to avoid being over-helpful now. Or rather, "tried" would be a more appropriate word. It is extremely frustrating now that my brain and heart cant seems to coordinate. While I constantly remind myself to guard against these scheming people, I also enormously resents not being an naively-nice person anymore. So who else can I blame but myself again and again? On the brighter side, it undoubtedly good that I am now fully aware when I am being taken for granted, and acknowledge that I am just another very silly creature waiting on the butcher's table. Yet somehow, I'd rather I was as stupid as before. Not knowing is always the best deal.
A very concerned friend once commented rather annoyingly that I'm always being "bullied", simply because I allowed myself to be. Harsh but kind of true, I guess. Some people might tell me it is a good trait, adding on some pleasing words that I am nice, blah blah blah... But at the end of the day, we all know what this means, isn't it? No one will reject free meals, and it is a miserable fact that everyone just expect it one after another.
